I don't understand it. I had 4 very long, hot, tough pregnancies. About this time last year, I was in dire condition. Words can't even describe how hard the end of Macy's pregnancy was. I ripped muscles, I swelled way up, I felt sea-sick for 3 solid months.....basically, my body just told me DONE! I danced through the pain at the end, but it was so ugly. My blood pressure was a constant concern, and I spent a good 2 weeks strapping myself into the blood pressure machine at Harmon's, on alert to go into labor at any time. My dad had a stroke one month before my due date, and it was an ugly, ugly, painful, emotional, stressful, fat time. My mom couldn't be around if I went into labor (because of my dad), so I spent every night that month having everything totally ready for my kids to get to school with instructions to keep the routine (for Parker's sake) just in case a neighbor had to come in the middle of the night. That last month was awful in many ways.
Yet....I find myself longing for that month?#$@ I don't get it. I have a lot of prego friends and my cousin is actually going to have her baby any second.....I am sooooo jealous! That is not me. I love the hospital, the excitement of seeing your new baby for the first time, the preciousness of it all. Macy was born in the middle of the night, and it was the quietest (fastest...2 hours) and sweetest night of my life. I felt like it was just me and her in a quiet little world. I love the flutter of baby kicks. I love these moments, but I'm realistic enough to know what it takes to get there. I'm so happy with 4, and 5 would kill me! I know this, but we woman are wired to keep the maternal feelings forever. It sucks.
So, I'm 36. I know I will never go through the hell of pregnancy again. But tonight, for some reason, I am sad about that. Maybe because Macy let me snuggle her to sleep tonight, something she rarely does these days as she is always on the move. I need to savor every moment of this baby.
On a way different note, took Emi to see "Ramona and Beezus". Absolutely loved it. I loved all the books growing up and have loved watching Emi read them. I thought they did a great job of making it sweet and fun, just like the books. So cute!
10 comments:
I can totally relate to this. I will always be sad that I never get to have that "when will my water break?" feeling again nor will I ever cuddle my own tiny newborn again or go through labor and delivery which I love.
Now that Buster is officially huge and kind of in the ugly stage, I'm ready for him to be two and on his way....
It's funny you are still having these feelings. Maybe it's because you're skinny again and I'm still in the postpartum fat stage but I'm soooooo done. Get Sam a vasectomy stat!
But I guess I am a little tiny bit jealous of Ashley tonight!
BTW, I thought you were going to announce you were pregnant and then I remembered if that was the case, we would know the dad isn't Bill!
Um, I don't have those feelings. I am surprised by it, but I haven't had them once. Maybe you are supposed to have another one. :) My sister's husband had a successful reversal. :)
I felt that moments after I had Patch and I still miss being pregnant and nursing, but I definitely feel done. I think it's the magic of feeling that baby inside and seeing what you created after they come out. I don't get giddy when someone else I know is having a baby, it's just about MY kids.
Maybe Monika is right and there's one more, but only you know. Just think, in a few short (okay, not short) years you could have grandbabies!!!
Just know you're normal to feel this way and cherish what you have right in front of you, 4 healthy BEAUTIFUL babies.
Oh yeah....FYI, there is not one more. I so know that. Very happy about that. Not sure what I would do if I felt there was. I'm so done, but still a little sad about that. I did not expect this feeling!
And Bill would SOOOO not comply to a reversal!
A full hearty "AMEN" to that last comment!!!
Nice that Bill chimes in at the end...
You always say things so well Liz. I TOTALLY and WHOLE HEARTEDLY understand what you are feeling . . . I experienced those exact feelings after Claire. Maybe because I too was, done. And I just have had a hard time coming to grips with that. I think it's the closing of the child-bearing chapter, in our lives. It was such a GREAT chapter to live . . . it's hard to think that we're moving on . . . but moving on WE ARE!!!! On to the next phase . . . big kids, busy schedules, and sassy attitudes!
I must have just delivered a baby or something because this post totally makes me want to cry. Having a tiny delicious little newborn really is the best--although of course it comes along with so much really really hard stuff! Last night was my first night at home and I feel like I got hit by a truck--and my mom is even here! I am sure I will feel exactly the same way when we are done (which we may be :). I can especially understand how you feel this way because Macy was and is the most beautiful little baby I've ever seen!
Call me crazy Liz, but I have those moments. Don't get me wrong the 6 I have are "our" complete but I just get that way. I loved being pregnant but know I won't ever do "that" again! LOL
Tia wouldn't let me snuggle forever because she was so independent but this summer has brought me her requests of napping with her and just holding her... she melts me everytime and for a split second, I wonder..
only a split second!
Post a Comment