I don't understand it. I had 4 very long, hot, tough pregnancies. About this time last year, I was in dire condition. Words can't even describe how hard the end of Macy's pregnancy was. I ripped muscles, I swelled way up, I felt sea-sick for 3 solid months.....basically, my body just told me DONE! I danced through the pain at the end, but it was so ugly. My blood pressure was a constant concern, and I spent a good 2 weeks strapping myself into the blood pressure machine at Harmon's, on alert to go into labor at any time. My dad had a stroke one month before my due date, and it was an ugly, ugly, painful, emotional, stressful, fat time. My mom couldn't be around if I went into labor (because of my dad), so I spent every night that month having everything totally ready for my kids to get to school with instructions to keep the routine (for Parker's sake) just in case a neighbor had to come in the middle of the night. That last month was awful in many ways.
Yet....I find myself longing for that month?#$@ I don't get it. I have a lot of prego friends and my cousin is actually going to have her baby any second.....I am sooooo jealous! That is not me. I love the hospital, the excitement of seeing your new baby for the first time, the preciousness of it all. Macy was born in the middle of the night, and it was the quietest (fastest...2 hours) and sweetest night of my life. I felt like it was just me and her in a quiet little world. I love the flutter of baby kicks. I love these moments, but I'm realistic enough to know what it takes to get there. I'm so happy with 4, and 5 would kill me! I know this, but we woman are wired to keep the maternal feelings forever. It sucks.
So, I'm 36. I know I will never go through the hell of pregnancy again. But tonight, for some reason, I am sad about that. Maybe because Macy let me snuggle her to sleep tonight, something she rarely does these days as she is always on the move. I need to savor every moment of this baby.
On a way different note, took Emi to see "Ramona and Beezus". Absolutely loved it. I loved all the books growing up and have loved watching Emi read them. I thought they did a great job of making it sweet and fun, just like the books. So cute!